I am sick of staying in

You know this may sound a bit well....sad. I look at all these pictures on facebook and I don't know what it is. These people have all these pictures of themselves drinking and having a good time with their friends and they are, well, my age. I can't grasp the fact how they all afford to do this, I go out once a week with friends from work or if I'm feeling really crazy I will make the venture to visit old friends. How can it be that I let myself go like this? Can I really not afford to be social ? Is it that the economy has gotten soo bad that I just can't visit my friends due to my lack of funds and bills? It seems as though bills have gained control of my life and left me with no life at all. Or could it be that I am making excuses? A friend said to me last night that I need to "put myself out there", and to be honest that really pissed me off to the point where I kind of wanted to defend myself. Normally, I wouldn't care about a comment like that, I would think that the person was just trying to help me out. However, this comment threw me, how dare he suggest that I don't put myself out there? I'm working, applying for college, moving and trying to find the time to socialize without getting tired. I feel like in these past two years of living on my own I've aged about 40 years. I'm 54 stuck in a 24 year old body it seems and its getting old (no pun intended). What happened to my crazy, fun, carefree, sex appeal self? Now that I have graduated college, Its been such a culture shock. My friends are all over the country leading our own lives and totally forgetting the past. I can't help but wanting to relive it. Its not like I want to live in the past, but I just feel like I had been cheated from a lifestyle I had grown so accustomed to. It's kind of like being in the military, you go off on your mission for a few years, your infantry becomes your family. Then suddenly your discharged home, sure its good, but all those memories of your infantry family are so en grained that you feel as though your family has been taken away. I was watching this documentary last night on social behavior, and they were saying that when one person branches out to make connections with other people outside their family, they preferred to be accepted by these outside people rather than their own family. The reason being that a family automatically accepts their members and it is more of a challenge for a person to be accepted by other connections/people. Therefore, when these relationships fade or fail it can be more traumatic than if a relationship fails within a family. So there it is, my rationalization for my need to keep connections with people and my complete jealousy for people who have no restraints for doing that. Fuck it, I'm going to put myself so far out there its going to be like Rodney Dangerfield on Barney.