Our New Society?

The other day I was at my new boyfriend's friend's house and someone said, "Facebook is going to be the medium of communication and the future of socialization". I think I blew it off as a ridiculous and completely radical idea, how could humans really convert to two dimensional relationships?

Now here I am, on my Facebook working on my virtual farm on farmville, becoming very sucked in to the whole sending gift thing. And then I realized I had been on my computer for more than two hours! It had not even seemed I had been logged on for more than 15 minuets. After all, it is an absolutely beautiful day outside today, I should be wandering the great outdoors with my friends and basking in this beautiful sunlight.

But instead I'm right here in front of my computer, communicating to the void of the Internet. Which now seems more alive then ever, with its ever growing weave of social networking. It almost seems the only way I keep in touch with my college buddies is through online facebook chat. Even texting seems to have become a thing of the past and popularity is judged by how many people posted something on your wall on your birthday. Pretty soon birthday cards are going to seem "old fashion" and unorthodox.

Finding a Man, is like Ordering that Perfect Cup of Coffee

So today I was in Starbucks and I couldn't help but think....how many different variations of coffee someone could order. Caf, decaf, low-fat, soy, latte, extra shot and so on and so on....Finding that perfect cup of coffee is almost as hard as finding that right significant other. However, when that right flavor hits the tip of your tongue, you know its finally right and that order becomes something more, a definitive sense of self. I have noticed in the past, while looking for men in all the wrong places, the whole key thing is, just to stop looking to begin with. Like when your at Starbucks and you become completely over whelmed with decision making, sometimes you just panic, and pick something you never really wanted in the first place. I have found from personal expericence that if an opportunity presents itself, such a specialty coffee drink, I sieze the opportunity of trying something new. For you never know, that specialty coffee could turn into the new favorite. Its the same pretty much with men, take the time to try something new, something out of the comfort zone, and poof you could have found that special someone.

stuck in the drive thru window

After an exhausting week at work my ex roommate shows up at my door. "We are going out" she says. I tore off my sweats and put my oil treated hair in a bun. Five minutes and I was out the door, hungry and feelin' a big mac. We hit the nearest Mickey D's closest to our venue. An awkward already high school kid with greasy hair and spacers, worked the late night window. He hands my medium sprite and straw; suddenly, the drive thru window closes on his arm! Frantically, the teen searches for the release button with his free hand. "Are you all right?", I obviously ask. "Naw, it had me for a second but I got it." He responded. I felt so bad for this kid who probably could have done the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. I tried as hard as I could to contain my composure, after all I couldn't afford anyone spiting in my big mac. Needless to say, if I had not gone out, I would have never ventured towards this little adventure.

It is all happening....

Like Penny Lane said in my favorite movie, Almost Famous, "It is all happening.". It is a very vague and broad term, but in my life it really is "all happening", from moving back in with my mom to waiting for my answer to Pratt Institute. Everything sort of happens for a reason and to tell you the truth, I am very happy for that. Go with the flow because the flow is the way to go, some people say. Although they may be right for the most part, I think our own flows are created through our gut feelings and knowing when to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. We are put here on this earth to create our own happenings in our lives. I had this crazy art teacher once who said to me, "when you paint you are connecting with the universe and the universe tells you what to do." and now, I apply that theory to my own life and not just paint. My life has become my canvas and every move that I make becomes a brush stroke. Depending on the way I move, creates the whole picture towards what my life will eventually look like. Is is going to be a distinctive Rembrandt or an abstract Monet? Or is it going to be something all my own? I hope one day my foundation for my canvas will be complete and I can start filling in my own techniques. Foundations are very important to any painting, they provide the structure and basis, of which, is the artists intention. The intention is the most important, because it states the theme of the work of art, or in this case, my life. Themes are particularly hard to come by, there have been soo many...why would one want to be like the other? My message is going to be very different and inspiring to those who don't have their own theme. Something that people can look and learn from, to make the world better, to inspire those who have no inspiration. I want people to look back on my life fondly and say, "She had a vision that changed the lives of many.". In a world like today, full of war, anger, racism, hate, and God knows what else, I feel that it is in my civil duty as an occupant of this planet, to create something beautiful and different, that just fucking says something, where it seems like everything now means nothing. It isn't that I'm being cynical, its that I want people to believe again, believe in the beauty of life and all that it has planned for us.

Make it fit

I noticed today, as I was packing the back of a truck that I had a knack for making things fit into place. Like a gigantic game of tetras almost, one could say. If there was a round hole,I would most defiantly figure out a way to make a square box fit. I am almost 100 percent certain, that anyone would find the determination to make something fit into a space, in order to make things easier (ie making one trip instead of two). However, when it comes to a relationships, people tend to let their determination dwindle.
In relationships, today, there is a definite noticeable difference between both, younger couples and older couples. Presently speaking, about one in three marriages ends in divorce. A sea of people defeated by their differences and the unwillingness to work things out. For the older generation, marriages for the most part, tend to last. Why is this? Has the modern world, thrown away the simple rules of understanding and acceptance? Has our culture become so fast paced that staying in relationship for more that two minutes became impossible? Did the modern relationship develop a severe case of ADD?
Your answer, yes. Today, not only is it hard to find someone with common interests; it is twice as easy shrug someone off for the slightest "weird" thing, and then treat them as if they never existed. Back in the day, when a man clipped his toe nails in bed, the women would simply clean the bed sheets. Today, if a man clips his toe nails in bed, it requires a large divorce settlement. People of today, are so eager to throw in the towel and wave the white flag of defeat. After all, such Television media such as Sex in the City, Cougarville and Entourage tell modern society, that relationships are about as expendable as owning a box of tampons.

Is Facebook the new creepy time machine?

Alright, so like ten years ago I went to my mom's friends wedding. There was an eleavator (I was a freshman in high school) and there was this first hot make out session. I'd have to say for a "first" it was pretty, well, wild. Hands were plastering against the walls of the elevator, the mirror images reflecting off the elevator panels, made the experience all the more intense. So, you can just imagine what happened for two floors. Anyway, I calculated that I was probably about 14-15 years old and probably never kissed a boy. It was probably the easiest thing I had ever had to do with a man, to be quite honest. Simple,virgin, straight to the point, never see him again( its been like ten years)...or so I thought. Randomly, this dude picks me out of facebook...the message on my acceptance page stated the following, "So, we met at like a wedding ten years ago do you remember me? You, me and the Elevator...". Dude, I may have thought of you like, once in the past ten years, yeah actually, I think it was the other day. I said to myself, "oh yeah, that dude in the elevator."and even when I said that, did I seek it out? No, however, this weird married man decided to...weird. Not to mention he tried the whole chatting thing right away, woah buddy, slow it down. Which leads me to my next question, is facebook the new medium to dig up that awkward past? The past that no one really wants to relive, except for that one flash back every ten years.
The answer is simply yes, yes and yes! People have become some consumed with facebook and its social networking opportunities. With the vast social community at one's fingertips, its hard not to dig up a little something now and then. However, is this even a healthy thing to do? Once we start to dig, are we more incline to keep going? In some cases people need to realize, what was in the past needs to stay there. To be quite honest, sometimes it can get a little...creepy.

A Writer Writes Always

In high school I had this teacher for my creative writting class, "A writer writes always." He'd use to say at the beginning of each class. It is now eight years later and I finally consider myself a true writer. As of right now I write about what I know and what I observe in my own life. Writing kind of puts everything into perspective, if I'm uncertain or emotional, each word that I put to paper paints the "bigger" picture. I let the words flow out of my finger tips, like the river flows into the sea and I feel as though I can better understand myself. It is kind of like painting a picture, if you think about it too much it can look like a huge mess, but if you take couple minutes and step away, you can finally see the true vision of your work. I feel as though its like that with anything in life.Some people can become consumed and frustrated with projects and sometimes eventually give up.It seems as though, more often than not, people tend to give up too quickly and easily. In a way it is sort of baffling, dreams have become disposable to people and it is quite sad. Did Michelangelo give up on the David? Where would our history be with out people and their perseverances?
I've been greatly considering writing a book lately on the history of art. The book that I hope one day, would enlighten the world about the history of our civilization. The only problem with this is,well, I have never finished anything I've started, in my life. This book is ultimately going to be, a true test of my ambition. If I am a true writer like I claim to be, I will finish this dream, my message to the world.

I am sick of staying in

You know this may sound a bit well....sad. I look at all these pictures on facebook and I don't know what it is. These people have all these pictures of themselves drinking and having a good time with their friends and they are, well, my age. I can't grasp the fact how they all afford to do this, I go out once a week with friends from work or if I'm feeling really crazy I will make the venture to visit old friends. How can it be that I let myself go like this? Can I really not afford to be social ? Is it that the economy has gotten soo bad that I just can't visit my friends due to my lack of funds and bills? It seems as though bills have gained control of my life and left me with no life at all. Or could it be that I am making excuses? A friend said to me last night that I need to "put myself out there", and to be honest that really pissed me off to the point where I kind of wanted to defend myself. Normally, I wouldn't care about a comment like that, I would think that the person was just trying to help me out. However, this comment threw me, how dare he suggest that I don't put myself out there? I'm working, applying for college, moving and trying to find the time to socialize without getting tired. I feel like in these past two years of living on my own I've aged about 40 years. I'm 54 stuck in a 24 year old body it seems and its getting old (no pun intended). What happened to my crazy, fun, carefree, sex appeal self? Now that I have graduated college, Its been such a culture shock. My friends are all over the country leading our own lives and totally forgetting the past. I can't help but wanting to relive it. Its not like I want to live in the past, but I just feel like I had been cheated from a lifestyle I had grown so accustomed to. It's kind of like being in the military, you go off on your mission for a few years, your infantry becomes your family. Then suddenly your discharged home, sure its good, but all those memories of your infantry family are so en grained that you feel as though your family has been taken away. I was watching this documentary last night on social behavior, and they were saying that when one person branches out to make connections with other people outside their family, they preferred to be accepted by these outside people rather than their own family. The reason being that a family automatically accepts their members and it is more of a challenge for a person to be accepted by other connections/people. Therefore, when these relationships fade or fail it can be more traumatic than if a relationship fails within a family. So there it is, my rationalization for my need to keep connections with people and my complete jealousy for people who have no restraints for doing that. Fuck it, I'm going to put myself so far out there its going to be like Rodney Dangerfield on Barney.

The Magical Uncertainty

I think I have tried everything possible to avoid this statement, "I'm moving in with my mother". Times are tough for a single girl trying to go back to school and this is most defiantly going to be a financial relief for my bank account. Most of my friends have found their significant others and I can't help but think its all for financial stability. It is at this notion that I have to wonder, are we reverting back to the old conventional ways where a man takes care of women? Are women like me financially doomed into moving back home because we refuse to allow ourselves to become dependent on a man? Or even the more important question, will my sex life be put abruptly on hold to prevent the dreaded walk of shame? For a couple weeks now these ideas have been swirling around in my head along with, what is going to happen next?

As one chapter in my life comes to a close, the great uncertainty of the next is starting to gradually unfold. I had just applied to Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, the other uncertainty in my life. A hopeful New York adventure is just waiting for me I can feel it, whether it is via Pratt or something else, this is a dream I've been waiting for since I visited the statue of liberty when I was 9. Like everyone else with the New York dream, I looked at that statue with the same wide eyed wonderment, which filled my head with colorful dreams of endless possibilities. Could it be that New York is going to be the future love of my life?

I am a Boston native it is almost sinful to make the move where the evil Yankees reside. I can only hope that I can resist the urge to convert over to the dark side and conceal my Red Sox obsession. Would it be unothodox to create a yankee/red sox jersey? How would people react to that one? It would be like the ying and yang of sports jerseys.

The Rise and Fall I Guess...

So, the other day at work (all blogs will most likely start like this) I had this wonderful Irish family sitting at my table. The parents were practically right off the boat and the son was very hot. With accents and blue eyes flying around, I started to get quite interested. I came back to the table with their price fixed lobster dinners and noticed their son had vacted to the restroom. The mom turned to me and said, "he went looking for you (wink) (wink)..." Wow, really, ok....why had his mom just asked me out for her son? Was this new dating thing of my generation? Hot men with foreign parents pimping out their son? It took me a couple of minutes to recover from the fact that, I had just been manhandled by a straight up, Irish Mam.
After that I kind of just steered clear from that table...

Then a day later I'm driving down a highway and there is this dude in a truck. The truck starts to creepily slow down in sync with my little cabrio. I'm thinking to myself "oh my god what the fuck?" , then the truck starts to beep and I'm like "seriously dude, not fucking going there you weirdo...". I get up all my anger ready to flash him my middle signal and it turns out its a friend from college and a cute one at that...all smiling at me and waving mouthing (what are you doing this weekend??) at me. Apparently, he'd been trying to catch my attention for awhile and all the time I'd thought he was this gross construction worker or something.

Now, if a girl had to choose, which scenario do you think would be more appealing? I'm almost positive that it would be numero dos, I mean women like spontaneous romantic interlude, we want to have those stories of how it "happened" stories. However, there are still those people who like the more traditional/automatic in with the family approach. Admit it,for some people. having that acceptance from family straight off the bat, could really take the edge off. Personally, I would like to hold off on that step as long as possible.

Ok, I've been hearing this a lot from men lately...

Yeah, I've started this blog thing which I use to have on myspace (back in the day). Blogging has become sort of a release from crap I guess. Crap in life that has mounded into a huge pile of shit and that pile of shit has turned into a mountain of feces. So, here I go, first subject on topic today is probably going to be about men. Really, what could be better for first topic? I haven't really established what this blog is going to be about, but I'm sure we will find a more direct rout later.
Ok, so men....men, men men. What more is there to say...they are lost little naive and oblivious puppies. I believe (as a women's perspective, this is not an un bias opinion. Of course...), that these little creatures, are no different have the EXACT same problems that we do.

As women, single women that is...I hear the same exact stories from both ends of the sex spectrum. The woeful wail of the women who say, " why do I always pick assholes?" and the in denial male who cries, "Why do I fall for the bad girl?". The only problem is, these two types of people, that have the same personality like of attraction, will never (in fact), be attracted to each other. The women who date the assholes, will probably never the "the nice guy" because, yes, they are in fact "the nice girls". Therefore, the answer to the question of "Where are all the nice guys(or girls)?" your answer is, that they are all dating assholes.

So, with the good girls with the assholes and the nice guys with the bad girls, there seems to be a vicious cycle going on, concerning the bad vs good ratio. Men at my work ask me, "why do good girls like assholes?" my answer constitutes one simple phrase "women are attracted to men and girls are attracted to boys..." however, they never seem to catch my drift; or if they do than they don't believe it, but its true! "Naw, that's not right." they would say to me, as if saying that I was crazy for insinuating that they are attracted to the less mature. This of course, is what I mean that men are in denial about this particular subject. Women, however, don't see it this way. Most of us point the blame finger while whining and complaining there are no "good men" out there. When the fact is, we just refuse to really see the good ones and make excuses for why the bad ones aren't good.

Women see men having that, "good guy" quality as someone who is (I'm sorry to say), weaker than the less confident male. Sometimes when we say,"wow, he is such an nice guy" we automatically think, he is safe, boring, and completely predictable. Do these ideologies make us the girls seeking the boys type? Or are these ideas completely universal through out the male/female population? I am sending this out into the void right now for you people to ponder over, maybe next time you will finally pick that truely nice person you never usually would and live happily ever after.